On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize