Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize