Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just found puke in my bra..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
