What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
