So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
