6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
