im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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