WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize