They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
