hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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