Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
zippers are such a cool invention
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
