the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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