I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
