Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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