I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
A+ Viking dick
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize