So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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