Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
