the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
