The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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