grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
