I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
