Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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