Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
