god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
