New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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