If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
