the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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