Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
