The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
