He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
