So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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