I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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