i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
do herpes really smell.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize