Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
