just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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