Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
