Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
