What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
