Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize