Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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