I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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