How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
