I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
