we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
