AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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