This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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