I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
