Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
