Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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