At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
