you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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