I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
