Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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