There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
