I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
