Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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