At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
