Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
