It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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