please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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