if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
