dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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