is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
