Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
