i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
