omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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