I want to walk on stilts...naked
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just found a bag of teeth...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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