i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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