we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
