Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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