I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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